Perinatal Grief and Loss

How Can This Be?

If only more people would say, “I acknowledge your pain and I am here with you”. I wish I had had this. I look back now and fail to understand the words and actions of people around me, people who are meant to love and “know” me, at a time where I was at my weakest and most fragile. We know that our pain cannot be fixed, but worse than that pain is feeling isolated and alone it.

Emmerson- Empty Cradle Broken Heart

As I sit here writing this it has been 27 years since the loss of my baby girl. I remember thinking “how can this be?” You see I was a young mother of 20 looking forward to my wedding and starting my family when my world came crashing down. As I sit in the doctor’s office awaiting the news, I was numb. “I’m sorry your baby organs are not conducive to life; the doctor began to say”. I don’t recall anything else until he said, “would you like to terminate the pregnancy”. At that moment a surge of anger moved through my body, “WHAT?” The days and months ahead I would begin to anticipate the loss that was inevitable. I would struggle between connection and disconnection, fear and joy, pain, and peace. This would be the beginning of many waves of grief that I had no idea how to handle and neither did anyone else. As the months came and went so did my passion to live. In the darkest moments as I sat in silence, I felt lost, alone, and gut-wrenching pain that could not be soothed. In the moments of empathy there are no words that need to be said, there is nothing to be done but rather a supportive presence that whispers, “you’re not alone”.