Perinatal Grief and Loss

How Can This Be?

If only more people would say, “I acknowledge your pain and I am here

with you”. I wish I had had this. I look back now and fail to understand

the words and actions of people around me, people who are meant to

love and “know” me, at a time where I was at my weakest and most

fragile. We know that our pain cannot be fixed, but worse than that pain

is feeling isolated and alone it.

Emmerson- Empty Cradle Broken Heart

As I sit here writing this it has been 27 years since the loss of my baby

girl. I remember thinking “how can this be?” You see I was a young

mother of 20 looking forward to my wedding and starting my family

when my world came crashing down. As I sit in the doctor’s office

awaiting the news, I was numb. “I’m sorry your baby organs are not

conducive to life; the doctor began to say”. I don’t recall anything else

until he said, “would you like to terminate the pregnancy”. At that

moment a surge of anger moved through my body, “WHAT?”

The days and months ahead I would begin to anticipate the loss that was

inevitable. I would struggle between connection and disconnection, fear

and joy, pain, and peace. This would be the beginning of many waves of

grief that I had no idea how to handle and neither did anyone else. As

the months came and went so did my passion to live. In the darkest

moments as I sat in silence, I felt lost, alone, and gut-wrenching pain

that could not be soothed.

In the moments of empathy there are no words that need to be said, there

is nothing to be done but rather a supportive presence that whispers,

“you’re not alone”.